Review – Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Well first off … damn. I generally enjoy watching these movies because there’s often many things that I can make fun of. (come on – New Moon? Floating Edward head?) Which of course means I can’t go see these movies until after they’ve been out for a while (to avoid the hordes of TwiTards who rush to the theater when it first comes out – they for some reason don’t enjoy when I giggle at the movie.)
And in this third installment, what is there to giggle at, you might ask? Well fuck it all, hardly anything. It was actually not too bad of a movie. Not amazing by any means, but definitely the best of the series as of yet. I wouldn’t recommend the movie to anybody who doesn’t follow the series, but for your everyday Twilight semi-fan … meh, not bad.
Our actors are definitely getting better as they go; this is the best I’ve seen them so far. In fact, none of the lead actors annoyed me like they have in the past. Bella – not near as pathetic. Her halting pausing acting style remains, but it somehow doesn’t irk me this time around. Edward – well, besides his enormous head and crazy flat face, he wasn’t half bad. I actually liked him a lot in this movie … which was strange and not altogether pleasant. Jacob – well he’s got the beaten but not broken thing down, and all while delivering his well-practiced smoldering look. I will say though, sad tidbit: his abs? Not nearly as amazing as in the second movie. Still quite nice, but not near as defined as before.
The improved acting by these three led to several scenes in the movie that I actually really loved. One in particular – the proposal scene. When Edward asks Bella to marry him (for real, not in the stupid opening scene) he actually looks a little nervous. And he looks so genuinely happy when she says yes. It’s really quite sweet; they played that scene well. It was also accompanied by a song by one of my favorites – Sia:
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I also enjoyed the way they handled the newborn army and the Volturi – Dakota Fanning is a fantastic mix of adorable, badass, and terrifying. Her red eyes? Awesome. Particularly in her close-ups near the end. Too bad she’s pretty much a bit character.
How old is she now, anyway? Well damn, thanks imdb. 16. huh.
But yeah, conclusion … not a bad movie. Not recommended for those not following the Twilight saga, of course, as it wouldn’t really make any sense. I’m actually looking forward to the end … oh sweet jesus, what was that imdb? The last movie is actually two movies? *sigh* way to milk it for all it’s got. Well, fine, I’m looking forward to the last two movies. I mean, there’s a lot of shit that goes down in that last book and I wanna see it.
The wedding
Sparkle peen
Demon fetus
Edward eats Bella eww – oh wait, to save her? uh … yeah, that makes total sense
New and Improved Bella 2.0
The worse baby name ever
Wolf pack tensions
Inappropriate Imprinting
More Vamps
and finally … a huge epic final showdown between the baddies and the goodies … that takes place entirely inside Bella’s head. Oh yeah, I want to see that final “battle” on the big screen. Try and make that look interesting, I challenge you. How exactly would you portray the mental struggles that go on during those final scenes? Furrowed brows … squinting … grinding teeth … oh lord I’m on the edge of my seat already!
* just to be clear to all reading … I do actually enjoy the Twilight series. Don’t read my reviews wrong and think otherwise; I’m just able to make fun of them. In fact, that’s part of my enjoyment of the books/movies – I take this trash with a grain of salt … and love every salty bite.
Review – Toy Story 3
Can you believe it’s been 15 years since the first Toy Story? I sure as hell can’t. My god, I was ten when it came out, weird.
This latest installment of the franchise, as is the standard with Pixar movies, is fantastic. It’s a rarity to have the third in a series be this good, but of course Pixar pulled it off. Because they are the shit.
The story deals with the fate of Andy’s toys as he gets ready to leave for college. It’s a fantastic conclusion to the trilogy, starting with just the right emotion, leaving us with a very satisfying ending, and of course giving us plenty of greatness in between.
I could talk more about the story, but why bother. It’s Pixar, you know it’ll be good. So I’ll just run through a few of my favorite things about the movie:
the short at the beginning – yet another great short from Pixar … and almost impossible to explain. Extremely interesting concept though, and some really interesting animation. Here’s a brief clip of “Day and Night”:
the entire opening scene - “Not the orphans!”
Groovin’ with Ken – pretty much all the parts with Barbie and Ken were just hilarious
Spanish Buzz – Buzz is accidentally reset to Spanish mode … hilarity ensues
pretty much anything involved Hamm, the piggy bank
the tortilla … that’s all I’m gonna say, just trust me … I almost couldn’t breath, I was laughing so hard
There were many more, but those are just a few highlights for you. But the movie wasn’t just hilarious, it had it’s emotional and exciting parts too. Read any forum about the movie and you’ll see all the mentions of the incinerator scene – and for good reason. It’s a damn good scene.
My one complaint – I was hoping for some of Pixar’s hilarious bloopers during the credits, instead I was treated to several scenes wrapping up various story lines (for example, what happens to Barbie and Ken) … all entertaining, but still. I love their bloopers.
So in conclusion, go see this movie! If you enjoy Pixar movies at all, it won’t disappoint. If you don’t like Pixar movies … well, then you’re strange.
And on a random side note, I found this vid while I was digging around on YouTube and I thought it was hilarious. Enjoy:
Review – The Karate Kid (2010)
I’ll be honest, when I first saw the trailer for this movie, I laughed. Really, Hollywood? This is the new 80s fav that you’re going to ruin? Well fine. And just watching Jackie Chan beat up a bunch of 10-year-olds … well, come on. That’s funny. And a little sad.
So going in to this movie, I wasn’t expecting much. Though I heard from a critic I trust (Eric D. Snider) that the movie wasn’t near as bad as I would have thought. But still, expectations were low.
We were slightly late getting to the theater, so we missed probably the first five or ten minutes of the movie. Normally, you wouldn’t think that is that crucial in a movie like this, but I swear, something traumatic had to have happened between the kid, his mom, and a jacket in those first scenes. There’s no other way to explain the crazy look in the mom’s eyes when she sees her son’s jacket on the floor instead of hanging on the hook … other than many forms of psychosis. The mom was entertaining though, in a stupid way. She was pretty stereotypical at times, and downright predictable – but lacking in large amounts of screen time, so not too annoying.
The real joy in this movie was Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith. First – Chan. Not normally a fan. (Ha – poetry just flows through me.) But in this movie, he wasn’t bad. Playing pretty much against character, he was sullen, terse, anti-social, even quite emotional at times … and not the happy-dorky-smile emotion that he normally does. Man, the guy has a full out breakdown mid-movie when we learn of his tragic past. It’s quite heartbreaking and Chan plays it wonderfully … he quickly ruins is with some horribly fake crying (unless he just really cries like that, and if so … sorry dude, you sound dumb) but still. Not bad. This scene even got our little star Jaden Smith to shed a tear.
Speaking of Mini Will Smith, thoroughly enjoyable. A little wooden at times, but it seemed natural for someone that age in real life. Kids have awkward moments. I wasn’t sure if some of his awkward moments on screen were the result of an inexperienced actor or if he was just acting the awkward kid role really well. There was an adorably ridiculous “romance” between our main character and a young Chinese girl … who has the weirdest haircut ever. It’s like a bowl-cut with pigtails. All I could think every time she was on screen … wow, China. wtf.
That picture totally doesn’t give you full view of the weirdness, but it’s all I could find.
The fight scene from the trailer that shows the hilarity of Jackie Chan kicking lots of 10-year-old ass? Just as hilarious on the big screen. In fact, the entire movie was a little funny simply because the whole time you’re thinking, god how old are these kids? Why aren’t they off playing in a sandbox somewhere?
Exhibit A:
awww … so adora … OW! sweet jesus! Get them off me! Run for your lives!
But I will say this – even with all the fighting being between scrawny preteens … holy shit. Okay, I take back the scrawny. These kids are way ripped. At least I assume. We only see Smith shirtless, but the training they all must have had to do what they did on screen can only result in more muscles than any adolescent should have before the age of 15. We get to watch Smith go through his training and fuck, is it in intense. I was exhausted just watching this kid.
Well, the training got intense after the requisite repetition of menial tasks. Though I have to say, Jackie Chan didn’t milk this near as much as Miyagi did. All they had young Smith do was “hang up jacket, put it on, take it off, hang it up.” Miyagi at least got clean cars and a sweet pad out of the whole ordeal. But after the fed up kid finally calls their trainer on their crap … what the hell man, how is this in any way related to karate? well, then look out. Danial-san’s training (wax on, sanding, painting, etc) could more realistically build a karate base, where as hanging up a jacket over and over doesn’t seem like it would do the same trick to me.
But I will say, once Smith got going … I mean, wow. Talent.
And that’s not even the most badass shit he does in the movie. I’m looking forward to watching young Jaden Smith grow up. I hope he continues with his acting, because every generation should have their own Will Smith.
And the big finale tournament in the end! Let me just say this – sound effects make everything so much worse than it really is. I mean, I’m sure getting pummeled like they show wouldn’t feel wonderful by any means, but shit. With the sound effects added, every punch and kick sounds truly horrific. I’m literally cringing in my seat while watching the fights in this flick.
The ending of the movie wasn’t that amazing. Well, the finale to the big fight between the goodie and the baddie, that was pretty sweet. But after that, everybody’s happy, congratulating, baddie sees the error of his ways, goodie earns respect all around, blah blah blah. Meanwhile, the horrible baddie coach (“No mercy!”) … they cut to show this guy multiple times, and every time he’s got the most retarded look on his face. And damn if I can’t find a picture of it. He just has this look of “wha?” so dumb looking. It’s all a little dumb at the end, but it wraps up quick enough, so it wasn’t too bad.
Oh man, I almost forgot to mention all the unintentional inappropriateness in the movie! Older guy training a boy that young? In training, lots of touching. The scene from the the older movies – Mr. Miyagi rubbing down the kid after getting hurt? Even then, slightly off, and that was a much older kid. Now we have Jackie Chan sporting iffy facial hair giving a 12-year-old a rub down. It was all very slight, and only people like me would even mention it, but it is pretty funny. The movie has a very awkward and inappropriate undertone if you watch it in a certain frame of mind.
So, summing up … not amazing, but fun. I’ll probably even buy it eventually. I’d say it’s a worthy homage to the old franchise. I’d recommend seeing this movie … but keep your sense of humor intact!
Oh yeah, this movie was also way better looking than the old ones.
Just saying.
Review – The Princess and the Frog
It’s about time Disney got back to the good ole days. The animators said they wanted to emulate both Lady and the Tramp and Bambi – two of my favorites (and wow, I’ve forgotten just how old those movies are) – and they did a damn fine job. The animation was wonderful, the story was delightful, and the characters were fantastic. Yes, many of the characters (extras, mostly) were far more exuberant and cartoony that was necessary, but the main lot was just great. Damn was Prince Naveen hilarious as a cocky frog.
“Just one kiss … unless you beg for more.” – funny shit when coming from the mouth of a slimy frog (pardon me, it’s not slime … it’s mucas)
I just finished watching it and I’m already downloading the soundtrack, if that gives any hints as to the nature of the tunage of this gem. Yes, it’s Randy Newman again, but whattya gonna do. I mean, he may a weird fucker, but the man knows how to compose for Disney. There were of course a few songs that weren’t my favorite (“Gonna Take You There” in particular) but it has some absolute greats in there:
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One complaint: the movie seems a little rushed … well, not rushed as much as … hmm, how to word it. It’s like many situations were resolved fairly easily, or not dwelt on too much. The biggest example I can think of right now: the two main characters fall in love fairly quickly in my opinion, without too much establishment as to why they suddenly feel that way. Now, I know this is Disney and their running length can’t drag on too long, but it just seems like a little more depth in the movie wouldn’t have been amiss at times.
Besides that one complaint, I really enjoyed this movie. It was cute, entertaining, and pretty damn hilarious most of the time. Definitely recommended to all.
Review – Leap Year
Not much to say about this one … it’s your standard rom-com. It’s quite predictable, uses all your standard plot devices, your basic ending – and of course, I enjoyed it. Yes, I shamelessly liked it. It helped that Amy Adams is adorable (and damn, look at that green dress in the movie poster, how fantastic is that?) and Matthew Goode as an Irishman? mmm.
Do I care that I fall for these stupid movies every time? Eh, not so much.
Review – Kick-Ass
I’d read a lot of reviews about Kick-Ass before I actually got around to watching it. And I’ll admit, I didn’t get what I was expecting. I had heard that the movie, while not that wonderful story-wise, was truly brutal. Awesome fights, great characters, basically just good old comic book fun.
Well, the characters were great, I loved them all. The story was indeed a little mediocre and not that wonderfully written at times. But the fights? What I had heard was the main redeeming factor for this movie? Yeah, not as impressed as I thought I’d be. Don’t get me wrong, they were great. But they weren’t as brutal as I been expecting from what everybody said about them. There weren’t as many as I thought and they just didn’t blow my skirt up for some reason. I can honestly say that this movie bored me a little bit. Not saying that it won’t join my collection of DVDs eventually, but it’ll be another fiver, definitely not a full-price purchase.
But in honor of this movie’s costumed heroes, here’s a list of some of my favorite super hero movies (in no particular order):
The Incredibles – Pixar + super heroes = what more could you want?
Watchmen – yes, the graphic novel is way better, but really, Rorschach on screen, can’t beat him, he’s just friggin’ badass
Batman Begins/The Dark Knight – this reinvention of the old franchise is truly fantastic, but let’s be honest, by the second movie, Batman himself’s gotten a bit old and we’re really only watching for the awesome bad guys
The Incredible Hulk – Not to be confused with its shitty counterpart Hulk
Iron Man – oh but how I love this movie, quite excited for the second installment. They couldn’t have casted any better for the snarky Tony Stark.
V for Vendetta – I’d count V as a super hero, wouldn’t you? I mean, he does wear a cape. He’s also supremely bad-ass. With the best acting voice ever (hooray for Hugo Weaving)
Sky High – names like Warren Peace and a cameo by Cloris Leachman? gold in my book
Hellboy – Ron Pearlman is uber bad ass, not to mention the incredibly sweet love story in this one between him and Liz (there are a few scenes between those two that are way more dramatically romantic than I would have thought to credit to a movie like this)
Mystery Men – come on, Janeane Garofalo‘s super hero shtick is a bowling ball that houses her dad’s skull … how could you possibly beat that?
the X-Men trilogy – yes, I enjoyed all three, though I’d say X2 is definitely my favorite (not story-wise, of course, in that respect it’s the dumbest, but come on, Nightcrawler, hello)
Daredevil/Elektra – not sure why I enjoy these but dammit, I do. I’m not normally a fan of Ben Affleck, but for some reason I love him as Daredevil. Must be all the red leather. ow ow
Also, a few shout-outs to a few movies some might not consider super hero flicks – the Blade trilogy and Constantine - both main characters might not have super powers per say, but still. I’d consider them “heroes.” And I love their movies, so whatever. Honorable mention.
Review – The September Issue
Those of you who’ve seen The Devil Wears Prada have a bit of an idea about what might go on behind the scenes at a big fashion magazine. Let me just say, according to this documentary about the September issue of Vogue magazine, TDWP wasn’t far off.
The character of Miranda Priestly, played wonderfully by Meryl Streept was even based on the real-life editor of Vogue, Anna Wintour.
I normally dislike documentaries, never finding them all too entertaining. But now and then, I find one that actually keeps me interested. This was one of those rare few. I don’t know if somebody not interested in the slightest in the publishing world or fashion would find it that fun, but I’m sure this wouldn’t really be in their radar anyway. My interest lies more on the publishing side than the fashion, and my interest in photography made the bits about the photo shoots really great in this film.
The movie didn’t really go into too much depth, and with a run-time of only 90 minutes, it’s understandable. But you get enough to see a glimpse of how the publishing works, the power-plays between members of the team, the disappointment of having your ideas shot down, the excitement of getting something you truly love into the magazine, etc.
And my favorite part of this movie? The soundtrack. They picked wonderful music for this film that I immediately had to go online and find. I’ve included my favorites below. Enjoy!
That Home (Reprise) – The Cinematic Orchestra
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Destroy Everything You Touch – Ladytron
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Around the Bend – The Asteroids Galaxy Tour
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Burn It All Down – VHS or Beta
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Swisha – Ratatat
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Nostrand – Ratatat
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Don’t You Worry – Jim Noir
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And in honor of the fun soundtrack from The September Issue, I thought I’d give you a list of some of my other favorite movie soundtracks (with a small sample of each) …
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The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
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Review – Valentine’s Day
Alright, so first off … this is no Love Actually. But if you’re in the mood for a predictable rom-com x 10 (which, yes I’m only a bit ashamed to say I often am) then this movie’ll do.
It’s not that substantial, not too complex, not that amazing, but it’s not bad. They might have tried to cram just a few too many love stories into the movie so some were a bit undeveloped, but they also didn’t wrap every single story up with a pretty pink bow. I liked how some of the stories had the sappy solution (a requirement in a movie like this if you want to make any sort of money off the masses of hopeless romantic women in this country) but there were also bits of reality here and there. Not all relationships work out and yeah, some of them go to shit on this blessed day of love, and this movie represented that crappy side of V-Day.
The cast was great, not always incredible but generally fun performances from most everybody (there were more than a few actors that called this one in, but because of the number of story lines in the movie, nobody really had long on screen so it wasn’t as noticeable as it could have been.)
There was even one point that I cried. Yes, cried. Not gonna say which story got me, but if you watch it and you know me at all, you’ll probably guess. I doubt I’m the only one, I mean, not much else in the story is really meant to bring on the tears. But this one quick scene, so sweet (yes, you saw it coming but who cares.)
All in all, not a bad movie. Definitely not going to be one of those great ensemble movies the likes of Love Actually or New York, I Love You, but it fits well next to your other movies from the $5 Walmart bin, like He’s Just Not That Into You – alright but definitely not worth much more than that fiver.
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Review – Avatar
Yes, I’m behind, but whatever. Better late than never.
So I’m sure everybody’s heard what people are saying about James Cameron‘s newest flick, and let me just say – it’s all true.
Yes – the story is nothing new or spectacular, but is basically a lazy reiteration of your basic come-to-destroy-but-get-local-tail-and-come-to-see-that-my-people-are-really-the-douchebags-in-this-scenario story line. Take Dances with Wolves, mix in a little FernGully and BOOM! You’ve got Avatar.
Now, do we care that the story is pretty boring and we’ve seen it all before? Fuck no. We’re much too distracted by all the cool shit that’s thrown at us. I mean, damn. This is one sweet movie to watch. One of the most visually interesting films I’ve seen in a while. One reviewer says it best when he states the movie provides “an endless amount of unparalleled optical overload.” And he ain’t kidding. Once you’ve seen it you can easily understand why is was one of the most expensive CGI films made ($280 million – holy shit) – there are times when you can see the dollar signs ca-ching like crazy across the screen. ‘Course you can also see those same dollars rolling right back into the studio’s pockets … and bringing all their little friends. (grossing $1.6 billion after only one month – I say again, holy shit.)
I’m Making Money – Chrishan
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Review – Alice
This adaptation/reinvention was aired on the (I shudder to actually type this) SyFy channel. God that is so retarded, SciFi channel, I hope you realize. Definitely not your childhood Alice in Wonderland … which is a good thing for me because I hate Alice in Wonderland. Acid trip if there ever was one. But this reinvention takes all the elements and throws them together in a way that was nicely modern, funny, mildly badass at times, and not nearly as bad as the SciFi movies normally are. (Yes, I have reverted to SciFi, because SyFy is dumb.)
Now, I’m not saying this movie didn’t have some of the campiness you come to expect from SciFi movies, because it definitely did. Lord, in abundance. But I was still pretty entertained. Honestly, I think the reason I loved this movie so much was entirely because of three things: the Queen of Hearts, played by Kathy Bates … wonderful. The White Knight played by Matt Frewer (maybe better know as Jim Taggart on Eureka, you know, the Aussie veterinarian and “biological containment specialist”) … god damn that man was hilarious. His beard alone is almost reason enough to watch this movie. And the final and most wonderful thing in this miniseries – the Mad Hatter. Or just Hatter, as his character’s called in this Wonderland version. Played by Andrew Lee Potts, Hatter is by far the best character. Okay, Alice is cool, and her chemistry with Hatter is awesome, but really, Potts is what carried this movie for me. Why?
Well, let’s see … uh, because, that’s why. Not only is he adorable (man does he know how to pull off that hat) but he’s … well, best way to put it? He’s basically a hot Ricky Gervais. Yeah, take the beyond hilarious comedy style of Ricky Gervais and put it into a sexy body. That, my friends, is Adrew Lee Potts as Hatter. Now if that doesn’t sound like something you’d enjoy for a few hours, stop reading my blog. Seriously, you’re time would be much better spent reading this.
But besides the wonderful Hatter, here’s a few other things that were both campy and fantastic in this new Alice tale: a karate-chopping Alice with a black belt; a casino that supposedly sucks emotions like “joy” and “anger” and “innocence” but in reality just makes all the players inside look like they’ve just had an orgasm; about ten seconds of Tim Curry; flying flamingo mopeds; an army of skeletons fighting an empire that is way too dumb to actually function; the required Scifi green screen monster – in this case, the Jabberwocky; oh, and an assassin with a cookie jar for a head.
Now if that doesn’t entice you, I don’t know what will. (Actually, I do.)
Review – Spread
With Ashton Kutcher, Anne Heche, and Margarita Levieva – Spread is about a young man who literally lives from woman to woman … rich woman of course. Homeless, no car, practically no money, Ashton Kutcher’s character Nikki gets by in LA by hooking up with older ladies with means to support him. Oh, and he fucks them a lot. Yeah, they definitely drive that point home; he’s pretty much a glorified prostitute.
Despite his completely unlikeable character, I was surprised I didn’t hate this guy as much as I has expected. I mean, not only is he just a horrible leech of a human, but god, he’s whiny. And self-centered. And completely without morals. And yet – not entirely revolting. It definitely helps that over the course of the movie he completely redeems himself.
Now this is not a happy story of the bad boy doing a 180 flip, but by the end of the movie you’re definitely rooting for him. (Well, while also kind of saying, HA karma, bitch, but still.) See, he meets a girl he actually likes, but what does she do for a living? Yeah, hooks up with rich guys. Yeah, karma definitely kicks him in the balls at the end of this movie and it’s both sad and funny. Mostly sad, but definitely not lacking in irony.
Spread was a quirky movie that reminded me of oh so many HBO tv series – highly glamorous but with an extremely gritty and seedy underbelly that they don’t really try to hide that hard. Ashton Kutcher was great in the lead, perfect as the whiny boy who would be SO screwed if his looks went, and he played the character turn-around well. He wasn’t over emotional but I could see that he was changing and how it was affecting him. Anne Heche (looking beautiful) was a wonderful character – she’s his main mark throughout the movie. She knows full well she’s basically got herself a live-in prostitute, and her character is interesting in that she’s a mix of cynic and hopeful. She wants him around because she’s afraid of getting older and being alone, and tends to let herself forget that Nikki’s really only around so he can leech her lifestyle; but at the same time, she calls him on his bullshit enough times, makes sure he knows that she knows what his game really is.
Overall, an interesting movie – not exactly happy, not exactly serious, but a good mix of the two. A great character study if you’re in the mood.
Review – North & South
I have discovered my new Pride and Prejudice in the form of yet another wonderful BBC miniseries. Yes, another 4-episode epic has proved to be just as wonderful as the old Colin Firth/Jennifer Ehle classic. It’s called North & South, based on the novel by Elizabeth Gaskell.
The series follows the story of Margaret Hale (Daniela Denby-Ashe – quite lovely), a young woman from southern England who has to move to the North, to the heavily industrial town of Milton, after her father decides to leave the clergy. The family struggles to adjust itself to the industrial town’s customs, especially after meeting the Thorntons, a proud family of cotton mill owners, who seem to be quite proud of their station in life and tend to look down slightly on those “beneath” them. The story includes many issues of both class and gender, and follows an important sub-plot involving work conditions in the cotton mills, revolving around a worker’s strike. The struggles of the workers, combined with a few other incidents, create difficulties for the hesitant romance that might be developing between Margaret and John Thorntan (Richard Armitage), the head of the Thorntan household.
Set in a slightly different time period, the costumes are different than those in the Austen adaptations, offering a beautiful variety to the lover of the period romantic drama. This work also includes a bit more seriousness than Austen had worked with. Yes, Austen included strife here and there, but usually in the form of reputation and precarious fortunes and such, where as in North & South, the story deals with the heavier topic of working conditions, unions and strikes in that time period, etc. Sure, these heavier topics are told with a slightly upbeat turn, definitely not told with as much reality as it could have been, but still showing enough of the poorer side of life to get the point across.
The romance was sweet and wonderful and every bit as fantastic as Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett’s story. A tad predictable, yes, but who cares? Those who will be watching this sort of film know what to expect. But this movie won’t disappoint any fan of Austen. I would heartily recommend this to anybody who likes Austen or any period romance in the slightest … and has about 4 hours of free time on their hands.
Review – Bandslam and Fame
I was slightly leery about this one when it first came out, as it’s populated with a few more Disney stars than I generally like to see in my movies (generally being zero to none) though I’ve been known to make exceptions if I’m in the mood. Well, I happened to be in the mood today. It also helped that this movie’s reviews weren’t as terrible as I had expected.
The movie follows this dorky kid (who has a habit of pulling a face that makes him look like he just smelled something terrible) who transfers from one sucky school to another. Only his new school appears to not suck quite as hard as the previous school, as his first day there the lunch room crowd breaks out into a psychotic frenzy, moshing around a stage in the cafeteria, drooling over some band and screaming about something called “Bandslam.” Turns out there’s a competition of sorts where high schools in the area send bands to battle it out for a chance at a real live record deal.
Our dorky kid, Will, falls in with an underdog band populated with kids who could be good if they weren’t trying so damn hard. Will, of course, helps them turn it all around with his in-depth knowledge of all things musical. And he does actually make them pretty good, I won’t deny that I was bobbing my head along with several of the numbers they perform. The story was slightly cliche, the the acting was quick, somewhat smart, and sarcastically fun. How to best describe … let’s see, take one cheesy terrible Disney movie, shoot it through a grunge filter, and add a great indie soundtrack and you’ll get Bandslam.
All and all, not a bad movie, nothing cinematically great, but fun. I loved the soundtrack (for the most part, there were one or two songs that weren’t that amazing, and the final BIG BANG number by the cast was slightly less than impressive in my opinion) and I got into the characters and their stories (though there were bits that seemed a little out of place or forced) and the bits here and there where they poke a little fun at people are entertaining (main example: the character Sa5m – the 5 is slient – gains popularity from her band and we’re treated to a barrage of wannabees with all sorts of numbers and dashes and other fun silent additions to their names.) Oh, and the random narrative letters from Will to David Bowie add a quirky element that I loved, and opened the door to a Bowie cameo, which is never unwanted.
I am completely unfamiliar with the original movie from the 80s that this is a loose remake of, so I didn’t really know what to expect going in, though I’d read some less than stellar reviews. Well, I gave it a shot anyway, after just watching Bandslam, I was in the mood to watch another movie full of fun performances, and I figured Fame could deliver.
And it did deliver – the movie was full of fun dance numbers and a great soundtrack. The story was a little disjointed and not insanely interesting. Really, the movie is basically just a slice of life movie, showing us what’s going on with a group of kids going through their 4 years as a performing arts high school. There were some fun situations, some weird bits, and some truly sad segments, but all in all the majority of the scenes were a little flat.
But I will say this for the movie – it can truly boast a talented cast. I mean wow. Jealous of those who are able to perform? Regret ever giving up dance or music lessons? Wish you were a little more creative? Well, this movie will truly make you feel pathetic and untalented. But in a good way. ? Okay, well maybe not in an amazingly good way, but it is fun to watch the talent ooze out of the movie. I’ll be interested to see some of these kids doing other things, because they’re pretty damn good.
Oh, this also deserves a shout out – one of the characters is a dancer from Cedar Rapids. Iowa – represent! Holla.
The soundtrack for this movie wasn’t too terrible either, though it leans a little more towards the hip hop than anything. Oh, also, the final number, just as in Bandslam, just failed to deliver in my opinion. With all that talent, I was really hoping for something a little better. I mean, it was great, but just … I don’t know. Not that amazing to watch. But overall, not too bad. Not great or anything, but alright.
And, in honor of movies featuring the arts, here’s a list of some great final scenes that can often pull a movie out of the sludge of mediocrity:
Center Stage – the impossible costume/set changes aside (thank goodness for the magic of movie editing), this is one awesome ballet performance
Step Up 2: The Streets – mediocrity at its best, but I can’t get enough of the final dance in the rain and the dark … showing off not just cool coreography, but awesome atmosphere and lighting
Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit – 90s gold
Stage Beauty – an amazing display of stage acting
Drumline – the marching is cool, but my favorite bit is of course, the drum line battle
Bring It On – yes, Bring It On. I enjoyed the final cheer performance at the competition. What?
… I’m sure there’s more, but I can’t think of any off the top of my head.
Review – G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Wow, I just noticed the tagline on this poster is "Evil never looked this good." positioned right under the bad girl's ass. Nice.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Wow. I haven’t seen a movie this stupid since … well, I can’t even think of anything this dumb. Except possibly something involving Dolph Lundgren. Where to begin … (oh, and there will be spoilers, because honestly, if you actually want to to see this movie than I doubt you’ll care if the plot twists are ruined.)
If I was leery going in, I started to get really worried about the possible waste of the next two hours when the movie began with a scene set in 1641. Wow, so we’re setting up that much of a backstory? Really? Alright. I’ll roll with it, give it a chance. This could be important later on, right? No. It’s not. It’s the set up for only two things – a hatred of the French that doesn’t even seem that passionate but leads to Paris becoming the testing grounds for one of the bad guy’s missiles; and some stupid bits with a metal mask. Therefore, this initial scene is stupid, cheesy, and unnecessary (a common theme for this movie, as I soon discovered.)
Well, it didn’t get any better from there. Once we enter the “not too distant future” we learn that apparently everybody speaks and acts like wooden dummies in this future. I mean, my god, the acting is terrible. Not that they had great writing to work with, but come on. I wasn’t expecting much from many of the actors attached, but there are some decent actors scattered throughout the movie, and do they deliver? Not really. It’s like they caught the stupid disease that the movie seems to be infected with. (I mean, Joseph Gordon-Levitt playing Commander Cobra?? Dear god, why would you do this, man? You always say how picky you are with scripts and directors … this made the cut?) The attempts at humor almost make me want to laugh in that they are so not funny, but you can easily tell it’s meant to be. They could have been mildly funny but everything goes terribly wrong in delivery. Serious moments are stupidly serious, overacted in the worst way. The story itself doesn’t help these funny/serious moments either; everything is so contrived and cliché, it makes me cringe. And laugh. Yeah, lots of laughter generated by this movie that I doubt was intended.
Did I mention that the entire movie is horribly contrived? Well I’ll say it again because … wow. How many “huh, small world” coincidences can we cram into the story? Try and follow: main good guy was once engaged to main bad girl (thanks, helpful flashback); her dead brother that caused the rift between good guy and bad girl turns out not being dead but is in fact the mastermind behind all the chaos; (there’s so much more, but I won’t get into it here). Oh, and if that’s not enough, there’s also a second story line about the two ninjas in the movie. Yes, there are ninjas. Now I will definitely admit that the ninjas themselves are cool. (The evil one who always dresses in impeccable white, that’s some cool costume design.) They aren’t necessary in the slightest in the movie, and their backstory of betrayal as children turning them into the enemies they are now – really unnecessary. Even if there was that backstory, can’t we just wonder why they know and hate each other? Leaving them as mysterious ninjas? Oh no, we get yet another flashback to 20 years ago in Tokyo so we can see first hand why these two minor characters hate each other. Awesome, thank you movie. This flashback does have a great moment that proves as always that no one wins with a head butt.
And now, about 20 painful minutes into the movie, we’re off to the GI Joe headquarters, a secret government group that apparently crosses national lines recruiting Brits, Moroccans, and the like, but seems to take their orders from our president. Yay implied superiority! It is amusing how the program is so secret and since apparently nobody else knows anything about what’s going on, once the Joes are finished with a mission, of course causing some destruction and disturbance along the way, they are often detained by the local police. Even the secret service arrest one of our Joes right after he saves DC from destruction. I hope they clear up any arrest records these guys acquire in the line of duty. Oh, did I mention that the GI base is located under the deserts of Egypt? Yeah. Cuz the Egyptians love us Americans so much, they don’t mind us setting up shop under the sands.
Now we get to meet the GIs themselves, sweet. This means gratutious training sequences and fancy gizmos. Of course, we’re only interested in the three or four really important ones, the rest are just meat in the room, fatigues used as scenery. One of these important GIs is surprisingly (ha) a hot woman who apparently has magic healing powers (after a fight with bad girl, she is covered with cuts and scrapes all over her face, which are miraculously gone, not even a memory of a scar, in the very next scene that is maybe the next morning?). Can’t have your secret military operation without some tail running around. She’s not good for much either, she often runs out into missions minus her GI suit, which is the whole point of them being in the program, they wear the special suits that accelerate them and make them all that they can be and then some. Should we put on this super suit so we don’t die when running into the mayhem to save our friends who are wearing the protective suits? No, of course not, they do nothing for her figure. She really only in the movie for a few catfights and the occasional helpful shot at just the right moment.
Anyway, back to the story. The bad guys of course discover the secret GI lair and break in to steal back these evil badass warheads the GIs were guarding. These warheads are full of nanomites that like to cause lots of destruction, eating metal and such. These are handy little buggers, not only do they destroy shit, but our evil mastermind (who, honest to god, speaks in the most horribly cliché gravelly voice) reprograms these nanomites to do almost everything – they turn a man’s face into metal, they heal burns (not his of course, otherwise he doesn’t fit into the tortured evil scientist mold), they even get injected into their “recruits” to cut off any pain and control their minds. Remote-controlled army. Nifty.
So now the GIs have to get the warheads back. Off to Paris, where they cause lots of car accidents in a chase that ends in the trailer-worthy scene showing the collapsing of the Eiffel Tower. This is followed up by a scene in the White House where an advisor tells the President that “the French are a little upset.” And yes, the GIs get detained by French police.
Meanwhile, we’re shown a sneaky little scene in which one of the bad guys is injected with nanomites to begin facial reconstruction, giving him the ultimate disguise. Whoever could he be imitating? Could this factor into the master plan somehow? Could they insert any more ‘subtle’ hints about who he’ll be in the script? (I’m sure they could try.) Don’t worry, we get to see him again later. Well, not actually ‘see’ of course, because they apparently spent all their CGI money on the nanomite bombs, extremely unnecessary Matrix-like slow-motion, car crashes and underwater lairs (yes, the bad guys operate in a base under the polar ice cap) that they apparently couldn’t spring for a split screen shot. After the bad guys go down, eliminating their evil plot to replace the president with a double (oh no, spoiler), I thought they were going to just forget about this guy. I wouldn’t put it past the movie. Thankfully, the movie actually does remember him, though I’m sure this is more of a setup for a sequel than to be clever. The movie’s too stupid to pull off clever.
The movie wraps up with both an airborne chase after two of the launched nanomite missiles (saving Moscow first, leaving the missile streaming toward Washington, DC for last so it can be more dramatic) and an underwater battle between the GIs and the Vipers (these are those nanomite-infused soldiers the bad guys made). Oh, and our main good guy chasing the bad guys, foiled for a minute by a closed hatch underwater, but never fear. Their submarine has a TomTom so they can quickly calculate an alternate route. There are a few complications in the airborne chase since apparently the top of the line jet they stole from the bad guys has to weapon controls, it’s all voice-activated (stupid design) but it’s not working. But wait! The head bad guy is Scottish, so the plane must be programmed in Celtic. Thank god we have our sexy redheaded Joe-ette, she speaks Celtic. Of course. Meanwhile, our ninjas have a battle royale, in which the evil ninja dies far to easily, major letdown. The ten-mile thick ice pack over the bad guy base is blown up causing what I guess was supposed to be climatic, but lacks a little pizzazz since it’s underwater. Look out, that ice is slowly floating down at you!
Then, in the final scenes, we’re shown what is obviously meant as set up for another movie, god help me. Our evil genius turns the bad guy leader into a mindless Viper, but with his very own metal face (and wow does it look fake, awesome special effects guys), and donning his own version of the Vader mask, becoming Commander Cobra. Da da dum! Of course, not even five minutes after this all happens, they’re caught by the GI army and thrown into thick metal tubes with laser bars. There’s nothing so menacing as men in handcuffs throwing out lines like “this has only just begun.” I’m shocked they didn’t let Cobra throw in an evil MWAHAHAHA!
Well hooray, the Joes have saved the day. And now they’re dramatically and slowly walking in a line with the wind in their hair through the GI base, off to another mission, which no doubt will SAVE THE WORLD. again. *sigh* so dumb.
I’m actually proud of myself for sticking it out and watching that whole damn thing (1:57 running time, jesus, why was this not a simple hour and a half?) but honestly, I had to see for myself just how much stupidity they could cram into one movie. Answer: more than enough.
Review – (500) Days of Summer
(500) Days of Summer
I literally just finished watching this movie and immediately had to write my review. I loved everything about this movie; it was fantastic from start to finish.
The movie poster doesn’t lie when it says that this isn’t a love story, it’s a story about love. When I first heard of the movie and it’s plot, I was a little leery, thinking that this could get a little depressing. I mean, watching a relationship bloom and then wither and die? Fun times. But the way the movie was written and edited really made the whole thing … what’s a good word … I dunno, but it made for a really entertaining hour and a half.
The movie jumps back and forth in time from the bright shiny beginning of the relationship all the way through to the bitter end, always letting you know what day we’re on (quite handy). The subtle color changes used throughout the movie were genius, playing with warmer tones in the scenes where the relationship is still new, then shifting into cooler blues when we’re being shown the not-so-happy times. This great production detail, along with the wonderful acting and editing, really pulls you into the relationship. You really feel both the extreme happiness and the miserable suffering of this poor guy.
But we’re not always stuck in the more serious aspects of the story; there are plenty of bits scattered throughout that are wonderfully funny. At times, it was the use of editing playing with the writing – eg) in a scene where our main character, Tom, talks of hoping that an evening will meet his expectations … we’re shown two versions of the evening at the same time, one labeled “expectations” and one labeled “reality,” which needless to say, don’t match – sometimes the characters themselves offered wonderful comedic relief, either in the characters of his two friends (rarely on screen, but entertaining when they’re there), or in the games of the bright shiny new couple (playing the “penis” game in the park … if you don’t know the game, tsk tsk) or inadvertently in the suffering and anguish (listing exactly what he hates about Summer, which happens to match exactly, on said in much more flattering terms, what he earlier lists as what he loves about her.) All together, between the comedy and the reality, this movie does a great job of showing just what a slow breakup can be like while still entertaining the audience.
Let’s see, what else did I love about this movie … how about I just list some randomness that was fantastic? Yeah.
soundtrack – despite the use of slightly older songs, still a great soundtrack similar to the wonderful Garden State
wonderfully quotable lines -
Blow Job?
No.
Hand Job?
No. I’m still unemployed.Robin is better than the girl of my dreams. She’s real.
Tom Hansen grew up believing that he’d never truly be happy until the day he met ‘the one’. This belief stemmed from early exposure to sad British pop music and a total mis-reading of the movie ‘The Graduate’.
There are two kinds of people in this world … there are women, and there are men.
Who’s Lars from Norway?
Just some guy she met at the gym with Brad Pitt’s face and Jesus’ abs.Roses are red, violets are blue … fuck you, whore.
the great relationship between Tom and his younger sister – they have some great moments in the movie, between his going to her for relationship advice and acting slightly annoyed that she actually have boyfriends and such (little sister and all), they make for some fantastic siblings
adorable couple moments that remain adorable even though you know the relationship is doomed – playing house in Ikea (Honey, I don’t know how to tell you this … but there’s a Chinese family in our bathroom.), laughing while attempting shower sex, the previously mentioned Penis Game in the park
the fact that the breakup scene in which Sid and Nancy are mentioned sparked the following short:
the fact that the movie begins with this – Author’s Note: The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Especially you, Jenny Beckman. Bitch.
Well, that’s enough of a list for you. Oh, did I mention that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is as cute as ever and especially so in this movie? Yeah, that should go on the list too.
Needless to say, I liked the movie. Go watch it!
Or don’t.
Or do…
black friday
Alrighty – back for round two! That’s right, another line up of reviews for you. And once again, I’m trying to keep them simple.
Moon
This was one interesting movie, but not because of the plot twist. Mainly because you’re told the twist about twenty minutes in. This doesn’t really detract from the film at all, because the rest of the movie deals with how these two characters deal with this new revelation and how we the audience feels about the whole situation. The movie basically deals with ethics and morals, both of the characters, the company they work for, and the viewer. It was extremely interesting, never boring (at least in my opinion), and definitely one of my favorite Sam Rockwell roles.
King of California
Yet another interesting movie, but where Moon was definitely serious in tone, King of California was pretty funny at times. Not always, but most of the time. The story follows a father and daughter as they hunt for treasure across the suburbs of California. What happy fun. Of course, the father was just released from a mental institution and his daughter, forced to be overly responsible at a very young age, doesn’t necessarily want to be dragged across the hills of California searching for a treasure she’s pretty positive only exists in the fuzzy mind of her crazy father. But feeling the need to watch over her dad and wanting to be with him (gotta love daddy issues) she follows him nonetheless. And so we follow along, and the trip is definitely fun. But there are moments of seriousness scattered throughout, dealing with the daddy issues, watching the lives of these two people begin to crack under the pressure of the father’s illness and obsession. This combined with the interesting treasure hunt makes for one good movie.
9
Man, I wanted to like this movie way more than I actually did. The story was great, the animation was fantastic, production design was wonderful … but for some reason I just didn’t get into the movie like I thought it would. I think it might have been something with the editing, the way the story was told. Everything was a little jumpy and slightly amateur in its editing, as if the creator Shane Acker had a great idea that worked well in the short internet video outlet, but couldn’t quite get the full-fledged movie to work. I might have also just been in the wrong frame of mind when I watched it. It was a good movie, don’t get me wrong, but like I said, just couldn’t get into it as much as I wanted. In case you were interested, here’s the short film the movie was based on (in my opinion, this short had better story development and lesser animation, the movie just seemed to flip that):
Surrogates
I found the premise of this story really interesting but was afraid it was going to be just another Bruce Willis action movie. I gave it a chance though and was pleasantly surprised. Yes, it was a Bruce Willis action movie, but the story itself was pretty damn smart. The special effects were very well done, and it was really easy to buy into this future world, as it seems like something we’d do down the road. It was a great little sci-fi flick, one that I could enjoy but still watch with my dad too.
Lions for Lambs
I’d sort of put off watching this movie because I was afraid it would turn out to be nothing but a big political statement, which I tend to avoid. As it turns out, it was a political statement, but not really in a bad way. And while it was yes, basically a two hour message of “the war was a shit idea,” which can’t really be denied, the movie doesn’t exactly put on the high and mighty tone you get from Hollywood a lot of the times. It says yes, the war is stupid and it needs to end and it was handled very badly, but we admit that all of us had a big hand in starting the war and certainly didn’t think it was a bad idea at the time. The stories were all so interesting and the way they overlapped was really great. And the casting was superb. So of course it’s no wonder the movie was great, with the caliber of actors attached. And let me just say, Tom Cruise makes one hell of a politician. I mean wow, if he had gotten into politics instead of acting, with his charm and looks, he would have been unstoppable.
Jennifer’s Body
Holy shit was this movie great. I know what you’re thinking, but give this movie a shot. It had everything – high school drama, just the right amount of gore, a perfect amount of humor, and just the right attitude about itself. I mean, if the movie had tried to take itself seriously, it would have failed. At least in my eyes. But as it was, everyone involved knew this movie was to be taken lightly. This opened everything up, allowed the movie to make fun of itself just a little, which made it so much fun to watch. I mean, let’s just go through the general plot (and yes, there are some spoilers in here): two friends are separated at a local bar during a fire, one is taken into the woods by none other than the band playing that night, only to turn up the next day as a demonic boy-killer, sucking blood and devouring organs to keep her happy, perky, and hot. Her friend knows this of course – why, you might ask? Why, because our demon friend tells her of course, during a late night slumber party. She tells how she was taken by the band into the woods. To be raped, right? No, silly. To be sacrificed to Satan so this poor indie band can rise above the masses of all the other indie bands and make it big, of course. Little do they know, their “virgin sacrifice” is most certainly not a virgin, and when a sacrifice is impure, the band still gets their desired fame but the demon is sucked into the sacrifice. Thus creating the monster that now prowls the high school halls. Now come one, how hilarious is that? But the movie knows it’s hilarious and rolls with it, never trying to make it serious because they knew it would fail. Let me just give you an example of why I loved this movie: while this band gazes down on their victim with their eyeliner-lined eyes, they ask her name (Jennifer, duh) so they can insert it into the ritual. He raises the knife to begin the sacrifice and then breaks off to begin a heartfelt recitation of the lyrics to 867-5309. “I need to make you mine!” hahaha. And then on with the sacrifice. Hilarious. Loved this movie.
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and finally … yes I went to see it in theaters. I paid money, I admit this.
New Moon
Let me just say first off that while I do enjoy the books, even own them, I am in no means a crazy obsessed fan. I do not swoon for Edward, nor do I root for Team jacob. I do not think Bella is the best heroine out there since Elizabeth Bennett. The books, though enjoyable, are pure junk lit. That said, we’ll move on to the movies. The first movie was laughably bad, even in comparison to the not-that-great book it was based on. I had thought they might have done a little better job transferring the mediocre book to the screen, creating a mediocre movie. Well, the movie was less than mediocre, not by much, but still. Not great. The second installment? Better than the first, but still, pretty mediocre. I think I would have hated it much more than I do if I hadn’t seen it with just the right person. I went to see it with another fan but (and this is crucial) a fan who can make fun of the series if the need arises. A fan who knows that yes, they’re fun to read/watch, but they are a bit stupid. And so, watching the movie with this person, the movie was great fun. Mostly because I was allowed to laugh at it a little. Let me just state my grievances with the movie (well, not so much grievances because I found them hilarious): Edward’s voice that Bella hears when about to do something retarded? not just a voice in the movie, oh no. We can’t go two hours without the marketable Robert Pattinson, only allowing him screen time for the first and last few minutes of the movie. Team Edward would be so very upset. And so, they make this voice into an apparition of Edward. A floating, wafting Edward that pops in full of admonishment and then drifts away on the breeze. This alone is hilarious. And at times, creepy rather than romantic, as intended. (As with much of what Edward does – I watch you sleep every night.) Add to this the half-naked wolf boys running around all over with sub-par acting (Jacob had my full permission to run around half naked, his not so buff friends do not), the depressing slit-my-wrists soundtrack, and the silliness of the all powerful Volturi at the end? Plenty to make fun of in this movie. Oh, and just saying, but after watching hot Jacob run around with muscles upon sexy muscles, the end where Edward tries to reveal himself to the humans by taking off his shirt and stepping into the sunlight? Wow, disappointment. I mean, Robert, you knew you were going to be half naked and undoubtedly compared to the other half naked man we’ve been drooling over for the majority of the film? You couldn’t have hit the gym a bit more? I mean, even without the Jacob comparison. Edward was all gross vampire pale, scrawny, and covered in icky straggly chest hair that looked even more icky against his pasty skin. It was just all around unappealing. Enough to drive a person from Team Edward to Team Jacob. Ick. Please keep your shirt on for the remaining two movies. Jacob, you are allowed to continue with the partial nudity.
Oh, and one final bit: apparently this happened in multiple theaters because a friend of mine in Minneapolis said her audience did the exact same thing. At the end, Edward tells Bella that he’ll change her if she marries him … pause … cut to Bella … roll credits! Everyone in the audience (myself and my friend excluded) groans, noo! How can they leave me in such suspense! Uhh … you did read the books right? I’m assuming yes because you are here, you crazy Twitards. So, this is not really a nail-biter cliffhanging ending. We all know how it turns out. We don’t even have to wait that long to see the next movie, they’re rushing it out for a release date in June! Calm down people. You are all ridiculous. And hilarious.
And there! Done. I was going to find a few songs for you to tack on the end here, but I’m just too lazy to upload them onto my server right now. But don’t worry, I’ve got two more days of nothing after this one, I’m sure you’ll get some tuneage eventually.
four and a half days
Hooray for the holidays! Mainly the one where you’re allowed to gorge yourself without guilt. Wait, what do you mean, that doesn’t really narrow it down? sigh I mean Thanksgiving, silly. Since I already had a turkey celebration with family earlier this month, I stayed home for the actual event. This means that with the time off I took yesterday combined with the two days we get off for the holiday plus the weekend … four and a half days of glorious nothing. I don’t have to even leave the house. Yes, I’m aware that makes me sound like a loser, but, well this is me caring.
And so with my four and a half days, whatever shall fill my time? Well, I’ll be sleeping in a lot, reading, eating (yes, I’ll be stuffing my face. In honor of the pilgrims and Indians of course) but I’ll probably also spend much of my time watching the long list of movies I’ve built up in my queue. What does this mean for you, you might ask? Why, random reviews of course! I’ve got a bit of a line up for you here, so I’m keeping them brief. Well, mildly brief. I’m not good at really brief, as we’ve discovered from some of my other “brief” reviews on here. Oh, and be warned, I might let some spoilers slip without noticing. Without further ado:
The Brothers Bloom
Confidence at its best, where not even the players know what’s the truth and what’s the lie. And while I loved the brothers themselves, one can’t overlook the women in their lives – Bang Bang (cannot even begin to say how great she is) their explosives expert, and Penelope, their rich mark whose hobby is collecting hobbies. This movie was quirky, smart, interesting, action-packed … all around great. There were times it seemed a little long-winded and overly complex, as if the characters all knew what was going on and weren’t letting me in on it. But this all just adds to the feeling that you’re almost in on the con, “almost” being the key word. You don’t know what exactly happened until the end, but it’s almost better that way. It kept me extremely interested right up to the end. (Oh, and one random note: when you hear “the Brothers Bloom, you think their last name must be Bloom, right? Well, they never say their last name, and the younger brother’s name is Bloom. Stephen and Bloom. So is the kid’s name Bloom Bloom? Are they calling him by his last name? Why call the younger by the last name and not the older? Anyway, I was just curious. The title didn’t quite make sense to me.)
Whitechapel
Never heard of this one? Me either. It’s a British miniseries about a police force trying to solve a series of murders occurring in Whitechapel in 2008. Though they really don’t want to admit it as first, these murders seem to be exact recreations of the Jack the Ripper murders from 1888. Though I usually don’t expect much from the acting from British TV, this miniseries was fairly well done. Nothing was too over the top nor too bland, and the story itself was really interesting. The killer doesn’t just recreate the murders themselves, he recreates the world of the original murders, leading the modern-day coppers down the same roads as the investigators from ’88. It’s really fascinating, not to mention that I learned a lot about Jack the Ripper. Or at least, the version that these writers were following, as there are many different theories about Jack out there. But no matter what theory of Jack takes your fancy, this was definitely fun to watch, and definitely better than From Hell, despite the lack of Johnny Depp.
Funny People
This is up there as one of the best roles Adam Sandler has ever played. Definitely not the top (Reign Over Me, Spanglish) but really good nonetheless. He plays a rich and famous comedian, basically a huge sell-out, who discovers he’s dying of a form of Leukemia. Taking on a personal assistant/joke writer, he goes about getting back to his stand-up roots while closing up shop around the house. The first part of the movie is watching him accept his sickness and eventual death, taking stock of his life up till then. And then, BAM! The experimental medicine he was hopelessly taking actually works. Surprise, you’ve just reached the “acceptance” stage but no matter, you’re no longer dying. Awesome! And so the rest of the movie we get to watch Sandler run around with a new lease on life, determined to get the woman that got away. (She didn’t really get away, he cheated on her a lot and she left, with good reason.) The movie was good, funny at times, serious and sad at times, a good balance of both.
However. This movie was TWO AND A HALF HOURS LONG. Dear god, why? The movie wasn’t that good. It definitely wasn’t lively enough to keep my eyelids from drooping after about an hour and a half. So besides the long-ass unnecessary length, this was a pretty good movie. Not my favorite semi-serious Sandler role, but as I said, it’s up there.
My Sister’s Keeper
Yeah, I’ll admit it, I can be a major sap for weepy movies like this. And yes, this movie made me cry. Who doesn’t cry at a cancer movie? Heartless soulless people, that’s who. This movie was based on a book, but if you read the book and haven’t seen the movie yet – don’t expect the same ending. At all. I’m not going to spoil it for anybody because … well, because I don’t want to. But yeah, the movie would have had a completely different tone if they had kept the book ending. As it was, the movie was basically about a girl with Leukemia (wow, two in a row here on my blog … could this be considered a cancer cluster? lol, wow that was a bad joke, sorry.) as she slowly dies, full of flashbacks of the progression of her disease and how she lived with it. It’s all very standard and weepy, Lifetime movie material, but whatever. Still made me cry, even if I hate the girl who plays the younger sister. She’s apparently one of the great new child stars nowadays, but I don’t enjoy her. So anyway, in a nutshell, this is a good movie for a good cry, it even has the interesting subplot (well, maybe not subplot, it’s the main story, but the flashbacks take up most of the movie) with her sister, though if you have a brain at all you can see the truth behind this whole story line, taking a bit of the bite out of it, but it’s nothing amazing.
Alrighty, I’m getting tired and hungry now, must feed. Peanut chicken for me, methinks. mmm. I’ll have to finish the rest of my reviews in another post. But before I leave, here’s a fantastic music video I discovered plus a few new songs for your pod. Happy Turkey Day!
“Koop Island Blues” – Koop
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“1901″ – Phoenix
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“Wake Up” – Sliimy
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“Oxford Comma” – Vampire Weekend
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nowhere randomly wave
I couldn’t decide what to write about tonight, so I thought I’d just cobble together a bunch of randomness for your viewing pleasure.
I recently watched The Hangover … amazing. Literally laughing almost the entire length of the movie.
Just finished a new great book by the amazing Charles de Lint, one of my favorite authors. This book, Memory and Dream, was one I wasn’t sure about since all the other work of his I’ve read have all either been about one of his major and, in my opinion, best characters (Jilly Coppercorn) or collections of short stories. This book was about one of Jilly’s friends, and Jilly was there, now and again, but very minor. But I fell in love with this new character … I say new, but she’s not really new, she’s been in the background of many other de Lint stories … and I was easily sucked into the story. Oh Charles de Lint, you are awesome.
Just now discovered a new band I’m thoroughly enjoying – they’re called Gomez, and they remind me a lot of Weezer. The music styles are slightly similar, Gomez might be a little softer rock than Weezer, but I think what really brings Weezer and Gomez together in my mind is that they’re both peopled with fabulous nerds and they both make great random music videos, though Gomez’s videos are definitely lower budget type stuff as I don’t think they’ve quite got the revenue Weezer’s got. Here’s a couple songs of theirs that I particularly enjoyed:
“Airstream Driver”
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“Notice”
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“Silence”
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Let’s see … what else. Oh, I’ll be taking off soon for a fabulous 4-day vacation to California to visit a friend. This Wednesday, actually. I am so very excited to see my friend, and Cali. I’ve never been. I land back home on Saturday and that Sunday I get to go home for an early Thanksgiving with my mom’s side of the fam. It’s actually great how that works out too, since the only reason I’ll be going is because my plans for my ride from the airport back home got mixed up and I was afraid I would be stranded for a while, but everything worked out more than perfect. Love when that happens.
Alrighty, well that’s enough randomness for one night. Oh, and in case you were wondering, no I’m not on drugs – the title for this entry came from a random phrase generator I found when I was too lazy to come up with something on my own. And now, I’m off to bed so I’m not insanely tired for stupid work in the morning.
Review – Into Temptation
I’m betting not many have heard of this movie. I noticed Into Temptation only because it was on the list of new movies to watch instantly online at Netflix and I thought, hey, Kristin Chenoweth as a prostitute? I’m intriqued.
The story unfolds slowly and without much going on, but it’s so interesting that I didn’t find my mind wandering. We’re introduced in the beginning to the priest of a shabby parish, going through all the priestly motions without much enthusiasm. Then he gets a visit in the confessional from a mysterious woman who confesses that she’s going to kill herself on her upcoming birthday.
Haunted by this confession, and life story that accompanied it, our friendly neighborhood priest decides that he can’t just sit by and let this woman’s life end. And so, he ventures so very innocently into the red light district, meeting all sorts of unsavories, and of course, drawing a bit of unwanted attention from nosy parishioners and concerned colleagues. The movie follows the priest as he tries to track down a woman he knows only by her unique voice and the glimpse of her mouth/neck he could see through the confessional screen.
Not much to go on, but he doesn’t give up. I won’t give away the ending, but I will say that this movie, start to finish, was full of tragedy. It’s utterly tragic to see this woman go through the process of cleaning up her life, preparing for departure, as it were. She doesn’t have much to do in the movie, nor many lines, but Kristin Chenoweth did a fabulous job at portraying the hopelessness of this woman. It was nice to see her playing something other than her usual bouncy blonde self. You could clearly see that she has said “fuck it” to life and and long since stopped caring. Jeremy Sisto played the part of our priest (with the most unflattering hair for this normally attractive man, augh) and his character was both sad and heartening to watch – sad because he seems to lack any sort of passion for his profession, not to mention the sadness of watching his seemingly fruitless search for the mystery woman; but heartening to see how he never gives up and retains his air of innocence, even in the face of hookers, pimps, muggers, and bums.
I will say this one last bit – I was almost brought to tears by a scene in the end, when a random homeless man interacts with our suicidal friend, it’s so heartbreaking to see her cling to this one interaction, probably the nicest thing to happen to her in ages.
And so, though it might be under promoted and little known (as far as I know, I’d never heard of it before it came out, but I could have had my head under a rock) I’d look for this one if you’re in the mood for something a little more weighty, along the lines of movies like Doubt or Seven Pounds.
Now, on a happier note – I was searching for a Catholic themed song to post along with today’s review, and I happened across this fabulous ditty by Bo Burnham … wonderfully nerdy kid, great comedian/performer … that has truly fantastic lyrics. I hope you all enjoy as much as I did. I enjoyed this song so much that I even ignored the shout-out to Obama there in the middle. (I really don’t like that guy.) I’ll post the lyrics below just in case, there are a few times where his rhyming gets a little to fast for the sometimes sub-par audio to handle.
Lyrics
All the seats at the Sunday masses
Filled with the mass’s massive asses
Classes pass by as fast as molasses
Ceremonial reading glasses
Read!
A little bit of Leviticus
All the kids are a little too little for this
All the parents nod in agreement
I think I can vaguely see what he meant
Its too early in the morning glory
To read another allegory story
The father reads a little bit farther
Assuring the assured that they need not bother
When God
In verse 45
Said that slaves are okay to buy
He meant that people all from the start
Each have slaves within their hearts
Things that we have sold or bought
Then are forced to pick our moral cotton
God calls us to set these free
Free our hearts from slavery
And then as God goes on to explain
The logistics of buying and selling slaves
He was fucking around
In the back I sit and I nod
To the beats that are bumping from my iPod
My god they’re starting to pray
And over the music I can hear them say
“Dear God”
“Dear Lord”
“Dear vague muscular man with a beard or a sword.”
“Dear good all seeing being
My way or the highway, Yahweh”
The blue balled anti masturbator
The great all loving faggot hater
I’d like to thank your holy might for
Making me both rich and white and
Though this is your day of rest
I come to you with one request
There’s so much pain beyond this steeple
Wars and drugs and homeless people
Sadness where there should be joy
Hate and rape and Soldier Boy
A world of darkness needs your light
So I’m sure your schedules pretty tight but
My dog just had surgery
If you could fix that first…
Deborah
Messing’s fingers in a holy place
Hail Mary full of Grace
Obama
Could you pass some hope to the pope
I know a couple dudes who want to elope
See the Church said nope so bros can’t cope
The bros can grope but the bros can’t cope
They’ve been in love and they’ve been addicted
Who said they shouldn’t?
Benedict did
Cause in the holy land of the Lord
He’s the holy landlord
And dicks are evicted
Cause you can be a benedict
If you’ve been a dick under Benedict
But you cant have benedicts
Because there’s only one Pope
With only one dick
What? Yeah
A dick on a Pope is just like a soap on a rope
Cause its pointless unless in prison
Throw up your Bibles
Christ has risen
Hallelujah now its raining men
Because the gender ratios 1 to 10
Winos at the eucharist station
Transgendered substantiation
Jesus wasn’t the Messiah
Get back on the heretic and I’m on fire
It was Oedipus those holy nights
The holy mother fucking Christ
I’m a blasphema
Post Katrina
Crusin’ the marina
On a crusade to cruise aides
And blast FEMA
You’re too late
Were fucked
We don’t need ya
(Now some of the lyrics might not make sense, not sure they were transcribed exactly right – but still, aren’t they amazingly smart lyrics? Love love.)
Review – Public Enemies
So – finally got around to seeing Public Enemies. Have to say, honestly, I expected better. Lord, was I bored by this movie. It was way to fucking long and it was mostly just lots of popping gunfire. Now, I’m not saying I can’t be entertained by a shoot-em-up flick, but apparently not this one. I was unimpressed with the story (though based on reality, so harder to fix for entertainment purposes). It was so long and strung out. They could have cut this movie by an hour and I think it would have been a major improvement. If the pacing were tightened up, making the film a faster-paced portrayal of the gunslinger, rather than the slow melancholy bio it was, it might not have been so mind-numbing for me.
Another annoyance throughout the film – the camera work. Half the time the film was shot as if with a handheld, shaky, up close and personal, very rough. Other times it was quite professional Hollywood-style. And still others it had the look of a cheaply produced BBC production. It was so inconsistant and extremely irritating.
Oh, and the character of John Dillinger himself (yes, the man has his own website – long live Depression-era crime) … I’m not sure if I was meant to sympathize with him, which I did at times. But a lot of the time, mostly when they showed his interaction with his love Billie, I just thought, wow, what a pushy ass. I’m sure that back in the 30s that this type of behavior was much more acceptable, but to me, watching this now – the way he talked to her … well it bothered me. Ordering her to say certain things and such. Minor, I know, and you can see that he cared for her and vice versa, but you can tell that he’s a violent man by nature and you can see throughout the whole movie that it’s always there, under the surface. He just seems like he could be an extremely controlling man in a relationship, and I didn’t like it. Again, this is me pushing my 21st century ideals where they might not belong, but still. Didn’t exactly endear me to the main character at times.
I’m not saying this was an okay movie and I’m sure certain people will love it, but it just wasn’t for me. I’m quite disappointed since I had hoped for something so great. It certainly looked like it would be much better than I found it, but then, that’s the magic of trailers. But unfortunately for this movie, if I find myself in the mood for some gangster fun, I’ll have to go with something better, like Road to Perdition.
Now – there were just a few things I enjoyed immensely about the movie: one being a scene in which Dillinger wanders into the Chicago Police Department, into the offices dedicated to hunting him down, and just takes a walk around, checking out all the info they had on him, even talking to one of the detectives. I found this hilarious. Another bit I enjoyed, in the beginning of the film, there’s a chase scene through the woods, only made great by the fun song played in the background. (It was one of few songs from the movies that I felt fit the scene it played in. Less than impressed with their music choices overall, not to mention the score.) I believe this was also the song from some of the trailers for the movie, and it just fits the era and overall feel of the movie perfectly. Take a listen before you leave!
Review – Up
So I finally got a chance to watch the latest Pixar wonder, Up. And this’ll be quick because I can’t think of much to say, but here goes.
I have to admit, honestly, this was not one of my favorite Pixar movies. It was great and just as fantastic as the rest of their movies, but for some reason, I just didn’t find myself connecting and loving the characters quite as much as in some of their other masterpieces. It was still a fun story, interesting characters, technically amazing (as only Pixar could deliver) and I would most certainly recommend it to any Pixar fan. There were also several moments that had me laughing so loud, I was afraid my neighbors would hear, wondering about that crazy girl who laughs to herself all the time. But yeah, nothing really stuck with me from this movie. I just didn’t fall in love like I did with some others they’ve done, particularly Monsters, Inc., Finding Nemo, and Wall-E. Still – everyone should see it, it is a great movie, and it’s a great addition to the Pixar collection.
(See, I told you it’d be short. I’m back in the mood for new movies, so be on the lookout for more reviews to come!)
“Up, Up, and Away” – Romance on a Rocketship
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Lyrics
I’m not gonna give it up until I’m holding you tight
You don’t know it, but I know it’s gonna be tonight
You know, you shine so bright
And oh, oh, oh
I can’t sleep tonight
Pack your things
We’ll skip this town
I’ll pick you up when the sun goes down
I want to float away with you
Up, up, and away we’ll go
I’ll come in through your window
Darling, how does that sound?
Just gotta tell me, gotta, gotta tell me
Let me know what you think
Oh, please, just close your eyes
We’ll be there before you blink
Pack your things
We’ll skip this town
I’ll pick you up when the sun goes down
I want to float away with you
Up, up, and away we’ll go
I’ll come in through your window
I want to float away with you
Up, up, and away we’ll go
I’ll take you to the stars tonight
And then I’ll take you home
Promise me, girl, that you won’t look down
I swear it’s nothing that you’d want to see
Promise me you won’t look down
It’s nothing you’d want to see
This romance on a rocketship
Is more than enough, more than enough for me
I want to float away with you
Up, up and away we’ll go
I’ll come in through your window
I want to float away with you
Up, up, and away we’ll go
I’ll take you to the stars tonight
And then I’ll take you home
trick or treat
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Woo Halloween … one of my favorite holidays. Unfortunately, I’m doing nothing to celebrate. I know, I’m pathetic. But lucky you, since I have nothing else to do today, I thought I’d go through my movies and make some lists of some spooky favorites. I realize I’m a little late if one was looking for movies to watch, day of, but oh well. You can have a belated movie night in honor of the holiday.
But first … TRICK (If this is not the best way to traumatize your children, I don’t know what is.)
and now … TREAT (meaning my movie lists … yes it’s a treat, smart ass)
5 (er…4) good movies … that are full of wet-your-pants scary moments (I realized that I don’t find many movies that scary because I had the hardest time coming up with movies I found truly frightening.)
The Exorcism of Emily Rose - I think what creeps me out the most when watching this movie is that they play both the possession angle and the scientific angle … leaving the audience unsure what really happened to this girl. Either way, it’s fucking creepy.
The Ring – I will admit, I liked the American remake of this Japanese horror flick better, not often the case. The movie’s not as amazing once I’ve seen it once, but the scene where the girl comes out of the tv … stuff of nightmares, no matter how many times you watch it.
Silent Hill - I actually thought this movie, plot-wise, was pretty sub-par. But the imagery is enough to make me want to cringe and cover my eyes, not an easy feat. This movie was like a mix between a Rob Zombie music video and a Hieronymus Bosch painting.
Stir of Echoes – I’ll admit freely, not a big fan of Kevin Bacon, but this movie really did have its share of fucking creepy moments.
and unfortunately, that’s all I could think of. I even looked through online lists of “scary” movies, and I just couldn’t find any that I agreed were truly scary. But then, I tend to need a little more than gore, which can narrow down the list quite a bit. But here’s a few more movies for your happy holiday.
5 good movies … that aren’t necessarily scary movies, but could easily put you into the Halloween mood.
Pan’s Labyrinth - creepy underground caves full of slime … creeky fauns towering over you … that fucker with the hand eyes! Yeah, this movie could definitely be said to have a touch of Halloween spirit.
Edward Scissorhands – the asymetrical haircuts our friend Eddie gives are definitely scary enough for Halloween.
Mirrormask – not exactly scary, but I think with the masks and the fantastical element, not to mention some of the creepy carnies, it fits with the holiday. If you disagree, well, I don’t care.
What Dreams May Come – again, not really scary, but it comes with a fantastic depiction of Hell.
Let the Right One In – I would have put this one in the scary movie list, but it wasn’t really that scary. It was fantastic, don’t get me wrong, and perfect for Halloween, but not necessarily scary, at least not to me.
5 good movies … just for fun
The Addams Family - need I say more? I think not.
Hocus Pocus – lesson to virgins everywhere: don’t be ballsy with a lighter.
Shaun of the Dead - not normally a fan of the zombie flicks, but Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are too funny. Oh, and hey, you’ve got red on you.
Idle Hands - Devon Sawa all grown up (remember him from Casper? yeah, you ladies all know you had a crush on him, despite the fact he was in the movie for all of a minute.) This time his hands are possessed. Oh, and it’s got Jessica Alba in it, for those of the male/lesbian/bi-curious persuasion who might be reading.
Ghostbusters – the first one of course, though both are great. But really, for Halloween, what would you rather have? Portals in your fridge, floating Sigourney Weaver, demon-dogs, and the Stay-Puft marshmallow man? or a possessed painting and slime. No question, Halloween demands the original. Though honestly, if you want to really do it right, you should just watch them both.
Happy Halloween!
Review – Gamer
I was intrigued by the concept behind Gamer from my first viewing of the trailer. It sounded like one of those many ideas Hollywood writers develop that could either be really awesome or really suck. I could see this movie going either way. I figured when it did come out, I’d give it a shot because I liked the three big-name actors attached to the project (Gerard Butler, Michael C. Hall, and Kyra Sedgwick).
For those who don’t know, here’s a rough synopsis of the movie: At an unspecified future date, gaming has evolved to a whole new level with the development of a new technology that allows the player to control an actual human being. This technology was created by Ken Castle, the now stinking rich genius. Castle created this digital cell of sorts that incorporates itself into the subject’s brain, not just replicating but replacing all the surrounding cells with copies of itself, turning the brain into one giant mass of receptors. These receptor cells receive signals that control movement, speech, everything. Castle introduced this technology in a revolutionary game, Society – your real-live version of the Sims. People pay to control or be controlled … and the glimpses they give you of this world is, as one could imagine, a twisted orgy full of the deviant tendencies that most people usually hold in check, for decency’s sake. And of course, it’s a huge success.
Thus, the creation of a new game … Slayers, a wet dream for fans of the first-person shooter games. In this game, you get the same element of control as in Society, only this time you’re controlling real live death-row inmates, given a chance for a full-pardon … if they survive thirty battles, which needless to say, rarely happens. Especially since they’re being controlled by the, shall we say less-than seasoned fighter, mainly teenagers and couch-potatoes world-wide. There’s a bit of controversy with this new game, the typical ethical questions, but they’re lightly touched on and quickly dismissed since Castle and his technology have become so influential. This is depicted perfectly when Castle is being interviewed for a TV talk show and during the interview, “tough” questions are raised about the ethics of the new game, but are quickly squashed by Castle’s smooth talking and the fact that the profits of Slayers fund the nation’s prison system … and as the interview ends, “brought to you by Slayers” booms over the studio speakers. Nice to know the media of the future doesn’t mind blatant hypocrisy.
There are bits throughout the movie that suggest the baddest bad-ass Slayer, on his 27th out of the required 30 battles, might know some dirty dark secrets about our friend Castle, and a resistance group, unwilling to become puppets in Castle’s world, work to free him so he can divulge said secrets. There are several minor plot lines involving this Slayer’s wife and daughter, but they’re minor enough that I won’t get into them here.
Anyway, my thoughts: the movie grabs your attention right away, throwing you head first into one kickass Slayer battle. And the battles really are kickass. The way the film is shot really makes the audience feel like they’re sitting in one wicked awesome game, and not just when the games are actually being played. I loved the glimpses into this future world, the technology is a geek’s dream, even if society as a whole seems to have degraded to where you could easily see an Idiocracy future on the horizon. Okay, so a darker, more perverse version of Idiocracy with wickedly advanced tech, but you get the picture.
The acting was alright, though it’s hard to gauge because every character is slightly one-dimensional. This doesn’t hurt the movie as much as it could since it sort of adds to the video game feel, but it also is slightly annoying because you never really get into any one character. The bad guy is a little bland, though wonderfully quirky; the hero is a standard stereotype; the resistance members … well you don’t even get to meet them long enough to really get an opinion on them at all. The ending was somewhat anti-climatic, definitely a letdown after all the majorly wicked game scenes we’re treated to throughout the rest of the movie. I think it’s worth watching for the concept itself, which I still find extremely interesting, and as a treat you’ll get a good dose of sex, blood, and guts – just slightly overdone at times but in a way that reflects the video game atmosphere. Overall, good movie with a few faults that are easy enough to forget amidst all the mayhem.
5 good movies … about the good ole’ sci-fi mind fuck.
The Final Cut – Robin Williams, of all people, working as a film editor. Not just any film editor, he cuts together film clips that are recorded via a chip implanted into the brains of children at birth, recording audio and video of every second of their lives. These little vignettes are played back at funerals and such. Drama ensues when we discover a recently deceased man was secretly a Very Bad Man, and the only way to prove it is to get the off-limits video of his life.
The Thirteenth Floor – Some might say this movie is terrible, most have never heard of it. I enjoy for the most part, even the cheesy bits. It tells the story of a team of scientists who have created the ultimate virtual world, detailed to a degree of supreme reality. But wait for the mind-fuck twist of an ending!
The Matrix – The ultimate “we’re puppets to technology” movie. The first one only, of course, as the franchise definitely flushed down the shitter with two and three.
Johnny Mnemonic – great 90s flick with the fabu Keanu, not yet a master of kung fu, working as a courier who literally uploads data into his brain for storage … though this time he bit off more than he could chew and the data is slowly leaking out and killing him, meanwhile he must run from the men who want to cut off his head to get the information out. Did I mention there’s Ice-T and a techie cyborg dolphin?
Total Recall – All may laugh, but dammit, I love this movie. I mean – Arnold, Mars, midget prostitutes, killer 90s special effects … what’s not to love? Our favorite Austrian plays a man who’s memories are seriously screwed with to the point where even the viewer doesn’t know who to believe. If you don’t love this movie for cheese factor alone …
And on a side note, poor actors are dropping like flies! RIP Patrick Swayze, 57, finally succumbed to the pancreatic cancer that’s been dragging him along for almost two years.
Review – Fanboys
Fanboys – I’d never even heard of this movie before I got a chance to watch it, and I decided I should read a few reviews about it before taking the time to watch the whole thing. The reviews all said it was best enjoyed by actual Star Wars fans, because there are inside jokes and such that are understood better by said fans … not just fans, mind you, but AVID fans, CRAZY fans, fans that can recite the home planets of minor characters or call signs of random fighters during the rebel attack on the Death Star. Well, since I am not one of these people (I’m actually more of a Trekkie … give me Kirk over Han Solo any day, no question) I still thought I’d give the movie a go. I heard there were some Trek jokes thrown in there, and I figured, hell, I’ve seen Star Wars, I enjoyed it for the most part, maybe this will be entertaining. And I was right. This movie is hilarious, a fantastic road trip movie if there ever was one. The story revolves around a group of friends, three of whom live in full nerdy glory while one has sort of grown up and unhappily moved on, taking on the mission of traveling to Skywalker Ranch and stealing a rough cut of Star Wars: Episode I (The movie is set back in the days of geeky anticipation for this newest Wars installment.) The reason they have to steal this rough cut is because one of the boys is dying of cancer and most likely won’t be alive when the movie finally is released. This serious undertone is only hinted at throughout the movie, so it’s more of a means of creating the motivation to actually make this trip they’ve planned for years rather than a depressing plot device. And so the road trip ensues, with a few side trips and adventures along the way (my favorite being tied between a stop in Iowa, future birthplace of one Captain James T. Kirk, homeland for a hardcore band of Trekkies … er, Trekkers, sorry … headed by Seth Rogan sporting some serious fake teeth, and a small and minor segment involving none other than Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes, a gas station bathroom, and a huge bald man … use your imagination). The movie is probably better if you enjoy Star Wars, but I disagree with some other reviews I read saying it was for avid fans only. I think anybody who likes either Star Wars or Star Trek and is willing to see the humor of any crazed fanbase would love this movie, just like I did. Also, the four characters are played by four fantastic actors that I can’t get enough of: Sam Huntington … okay, he’s sort of minor in my book but still funny; Chris Marquette … for some reason, I think he is such a hottie, don’t ask me why; Dan Fogler … you may recall his awesomeness in Balls of Fury; and the extremely dorky but extremely hot because of it, Jay Baruchel. Great cast, great story, great comedy … oh, and did I mention Shatner puts in an appearance? And as many who know me will attest, put the Shat in it, I’m bound to love it.
and now, in no particular order,
5 good road trip movies
Girl’s Best Friend – little known and hard to find made-for-TV gem, starring Janeane Garofalo as a bitter music critic, dealing with relationship issues with her adorable boyfriend, who has to drive cross-country in her mother’s pink Caddy with her mother’s dog, Binky. Funny, moving, sweet … great movie. Oh, and those from the midwest will enjoy the references to Farm Fresh Corn.
Sex Drive – some may say this is just another stupid teenager sex movie, and it sort of it, but I can’t help but love it. A dorky but cute, virginal high school senior embarks on a road trip with his sex-god friend (which is funny in itself, since if you had to choose between the two who’d be more likely to be having more sex … I would definitely not choose the chubby friend) and of course, the cute girl, a friend of theirs who one might have a crush on and who might have a crush on the other one … it’s standard road trip fodder, really, but I still found it hilarious. With side characters like Seth Green as the sarcastic Amish man, James Marsden as the lead character’s insane brother, David Koechner as a fantastic hitchhiker … the list goes on. It’s all fantastic. Oh, and if you get a chance, watch the unrated version. The creators of the movie say that you should watch the theatrical version first, since the unrated version is basically just a retarded version of the theatrical, with more nudity and some outtakes integrated directly into the flow of the movie, and it’s more geared towards people with a particularly sense of humor, more for laughs and less an actual movie that tells a story. Well, I’ll just say that I have only seen the unrated version, and it was hi.lar.i.ous. If not just for it’s ridiculousness. I mean, they weren’t kidding when they said there was more nudity, but it’s thrown in not in the story line, it’s there just for nudity’s sake, which could sound crass and stupid, but the way they do it, trust me – fucking funny.
A Goofy Movie – To follow up the raunchy Sex Drive, what better movie than A Goofy Movie? I’ve always adored this movie, one of my favorites. It’s got it all – Sasquatch, possums, car acrobatics, and the soundtrack! Nice Disney songs about being on the open road, making amends with family, talking to the girl of your dreams, mixed with songs like I2I by Powerline? Awesome.
To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar – cross-country car trip with the standard break-down midway, starring Wesley Snipes, Patrick Swayze, and John Leguizamo in drag – need I say more?
The Darjeeling Limited – three brothers travelling across India, mostly by train but not always, in the hopes of finding themselves … hilarity and poignancy as only the fabulous Wes Anderson could imagine ensues.